I know it's not fair, but I'm laying the blame for the epic dullness of Bandhe Haath right at the (stylish) shoes of the Big B.

"Why?" You may well be asking. "Why blame the Big B? And aren't you scared that he will post a detailed rebuttal on his blog now that he is so taken with the Internet?"

Ha! I welcome any behind-the-scenes information Mr. B has to share. Until then, let me spell out the crimes of Bandhe Haath:

* Too much use of the voice-over = internal monologue convention. I can live with a little voice-over. I always appreciate the voice-over reading of a letter, for instance, so that the words are translated for those of us who cannot read. I also enjoy opening narration, so we don't have to waste too much time in setting up the plot. What I cannot stand is Wonder Years-style voice-over every scene where nobody is talking.

Here's an example where Bandhe Haath falls flat in this way:



Criminal!Amitabh meets a dying Non-Criminal!Amitabh. Now, I was all ready to appreciate some delicious head/frying pan message where Criminal!Amitabh gets to try and KILL HIMSELF by killing the other guy and just taking his place - but the freaking voice-over spells out the head/frying pan message in real words! Don't do that! It's annoying! How more obvious could the message be that you need to voice-over it?!


* Amitabh tries his best smouldering Dharmendra impression and ends up just looking kind of constipated.



The Big B of 1973 does not do contrite. He does ANGRY. So, his attempt at a character who should have been similar to Dharmendra in Phool aur Patthar or Rajendra in Gehra Daag is more like Akshaye Khanna in Taal (i.e. BORING and kind of creepy).

* Boring!Amitabh also is responsible for his chemistry-free interactions with Mumtaz. How could that possibly happen when your leading lady looks like this?



Mumtaz tries her best (bless her heart) but she never pulls any reaction out of Amitabh.

Things aren't all bad however, along with the DO I KILL MYSELF plot, there was also Tun Tun as a cranky and obnoxious teenager!



And Mumtaz's fantastic jewelry!





I'm going to be honest and admit that I couldn't finish this, even the music is boring. And my last O.P. Ralhan film... why didn't he direct?! Hmm? This could have been so good. Ah, well, I'm going to go start my letter writing campaign for a DVD release of Pyaas.